Change is good. M'kay?

I've heard it said more times than I can remember: "If you don't like your life, change it!" Over the past 3 months (since the beginning of the year), I've taken this adage to heart, and have changed pretty much everything in my life.

Those (few, if any) of you who read this page on the infrequent times that I update it will recall me having a job contracting at a major insurance company here in Seattle. (Now that I no longer work there, I'll reveal the name: Safeco Insurance Company) I got to the point where I just couldn't stand it anymore. Initially, I had wanted for reasons of professionalism to stick it out through the end of the project that I was working on, but ... I just couldn't. I felt my technical skills slipping - someone asked me how to construct a very simple SQL query (an inner join), and I could not remember how to do so. I had to look it up. You know you hate your job when you telecommute and you don't want to go into work! Obviously, this was quite distressing to me, so I kicked my job search into high gear.

On February 19, I started as Sr. Test Engineer for Interact Networks, located in the lower Queen Anne area of Seattle. Complete culture change! I am employee #18 in the company. Obviously, it's a startup, which is where I wanted to be all along. After hearing from Safeco that Linux is a "hacker operating system", I now work in Linux every day, doing the things that I am qualified to do, and going into work every day. I got sick of telecommuting. It can be a great thing, and I can still do it occasionally at Interact, but doing it all the time just isn't for me. It got to the point where my office/studio became a work room; doing things in there that I enjoy doing (i.e. writing music, playing games, etc. etc.) became things that just didn't happen in there because the work part of it had completely swallowed up the fun part. I knew I had to change that. So I did!

But that's not all of the changes - lower Queen Anne, from Kirkland, is (at best) a 90 minute bus trip on 2 or 3 buses, each way. One day, I had a seminar at which I had to be at Interact at 6 pm (I telecommuted that day). I left my place in Kirkland at 2 pm, thinking that would give me plenty of time. WRONG. Due to no less than 3 bus failures (either the wheelchair lift or the bus entirely), it took me *3 1/2 hours* to get to Seattle. Fortunately, the commute home was the normal 90 minutes, but damn .... 5 hours total bus commute for one day? YIKES! Fortunately, that didn't happen again.

Because I a) had no interest in spending 3 hours on the bus every day, b) I was getting sick and tired of my neighbors who seemed to want to disregard every rule the apartment complex had set down in the terms of leases, and c) I was sick and tired of living on the east side of Seattle, having lived there for 11 years (with a short, miserable 5 month break in early 1995 when I lived in Seattle - but no need to go there), I moved. I found an awesome, HUGE (~ 1200 square feet!) apartment in the Greenwood area, for not much more rent than I was paying in Kirkland. In particular, the master bedroom is so huge in this place that I was able to set up my entire office - all 8 computers - AND my project studio - in here such that there's enough room for me to get my chair around all of it, to run new cabling, fix stuff, add new gear, etc. It's been very frustrating having to bug someone to help me set up a new piece of gear if I got it or to fix things that break that have to be fixed behind the computers. I'm a lot more independent here, which is something that is VERY important to me. I don't like to ask anyone for help if I don't have to ... this probably comes from being raised an only child and basically having to fend for myself for the most part while growing up.

I prefer Seattle *SO* much over the east side that it's not even funny. I am allergic to soccer moms in their minivans, driving around with their cell phones seemingly glued to their ears while they pay attention to everything else EXCEPT driving. When I am in downtown Seattle, I don't feel so self-conscious - there are people in downtown who are bigger freaks than I; a fat guy in a power wheelchair just isn't that big a deal. There's so much more to do in Seattle, so much easier to get around ... and my bus commute to work is 35 minutes both ways. Lots of options there too; the first bus leaves the stop 3 blocks from my house every 15 minutes during the week. Coming home is a similar situation. I have several different routes from which to choose. And, I live 3 blocks from a Taco Del Mar. Even better: my workplace is a block away from a Dick's Drive-In. There are no Dick's Drive-Ins on the east side. I swear, they have got the best fast food burgers ever. Sometimes when I eat them I feel sorry for people who don't live in the Seattle area and thus can't have these burgers. Yes, they're that good :) I have to really watch myself now - I can't eat them every day. I've been on something of a diet since January 1st - I just stopped ordering food out and cooking for myself. Haven't ordered a pizza (except for 2 occasions when friends were visiting, I didn't eat any of it) since 1/1, so that new year's resolution is holding out. I'm losing weight, but slowly. I can see it in my face. It's said that every long journey starts with a small step. I hope I can stay on this one. It's hard sometimes, especially when you have the massive sweet tooth that I have.

Other stuff .... isn't quite going as well. My dad is dying and I am NOT prepared for that. He's got cancer (this is what happens when you smoke Camel straights 2-3 packs a day for 55 years). It first sprung up back in 2000 when I was in the hospital, as a small growth on the back of his throat. Radiation was able to get rid of that one, and he was cancer-free (we thought) for over 3 years. Then, it came back in spades, underneath his left ear. He had surgery to remove it, but the doctors were unfortunately not able to remove it all, since it had advanced beyond the base of his skull, and into his lungs. The oncologist thinks it's been a 'morning glory' tumor where the tumor grows inside and only becomes visible when it pops up; could possibly have started as early as 1997. He's now in chemotherapy. It's going to be hell for him, this I know. I really hope that it gives him some good quality of life for awhile longer. This is for purely selfish reasons, because as I mentioned earlier I am not ready for my dad to go. I'm going to go back to Montana within a month or two to see him for what will almost certainly be the last time. Think that's going to be an emotional rollercoaster?

About time to wrap up here. I have to thank my friends Mike, Charlein, Kathy, and Jeff for helping me move a couple of weeks ago. Truly, I could not have done it without you and I could never adequately articulate how much I appreciated your help! And a big no thanks to Starving Students - I would recommend NOT using them for a move. They were fine for the first part of the move (the packing of boxes and moving them into the truck), even if they (stupidly) didn't bring enough tape. It was the second part of it - it took them 4 hours to unload the truck. It took them less time to pack stuff and put it in the truck than it did for them to unload it. As the final insult, they added 45 minutes onto the end of the move for their time to get the truck back to their base, which is in Bellevue. I have lived in the Seattle area for MANY years. It does NOT take 45 minutes to get from Greenwood in Seattle to Bellevue - especially at 8:30 pm on a weekend night! So, $900 that I could have better spent on a decent company. I used Hansen Bros. for my last 2 moves, and I believe I'll be using them again when I move from here.

So that's it for now. I'm working (off and on) on a re-design for this site, at which point this online diary will become a blog. Stay tuned! :)

Proud swagger out of the schoolyard
Waiting for the world’s applause
Rebel without a conscience
Martyr without a cause

Static on your frequency
Electrical storm in your veins
Raging at unreachable glory
Straining at invisible chains

And now you’re trembling on a rocky ledge
Staring down into a heartless sea
Can’t face life on a razor’s edge
Nothing’s what you thought it would be

All of us get lost in the darkness
Dreamers learn to steer by the stars
All of us do time in the gutter
Dreamers turn to look at the cars
Turn around and turn around and turn around
Turn around and walk the razor’s edge
Don’t turn your back
And slam the door on me

It’s not as if this barricade
Blocks the only road
It’s not as if you’re all alone
In wanting to explode

Someone set a bad example
Made surrender seem all right
The act of a noble warrior
Who lost the will to fight

And now you’re trembling on a rocky ledge
Staring down into a heartless sea
Done with life on a razor’s edge
Nothing’s what you thought it would be

No hero in your tragedy
No daring in your escape
No salutes for your surrender
Nothing noble in your fate
Christ, what have you done?